Life off the couch

poetry on the way

2009-02-01T11:00:00.005-05:00

Gacela de la raíz amarga

hay una raíz amarga
y un mundo de mil terrazas.

ni la mano mas pequeña
quiebra la puerta del agua.

¿donde vas, adonde, donde?
hay un cielo de mil ventanas
- batalla de abejas lívidas -
y hay una raíz amarga.

amarga.

duele en la planta del pie
el interior de la cara,
y duele en el tronco fresco
de noche recién cortada.

¡amor enemigo mio,
muerde tu raíz amarga!

- Federico Garcia Lorca

Avant que tu ne t'en ailles
pâle étoile du matin
- mille cailles
chantent, chantent dans le thym -

Tourne devers le poète,
dont les yeux sont pleins d'amour
- l'alouette
monte au ciel avec le jour -

Tourne ton regard que noie
l'aurore dans son azur
- quelle joie
parmi les champs de blé mûr! -

Puis fais luire ma pensée
là-bas, bien loin, oh bien loin!
- la rosée
gaîment brille sur le foin. -

Dans le doux rêve où s'agite
Ma mie endormie encor ...
- vite, vite
car voici le soleil d'or. -

- Paul Verlaine

HC Prayers Jan8/09

2009-01-12T06:45:00.001-05:00

Please stand. Let us pray. Dear God, thank you for walking with us every day, and for showing us the way we should walk. This morning I particularly want to thank you for the awesome beauty in nature, for the surprising kindness of strangers who become friends, and for the elusive gift of time to reflect on our path. Please God, help us all to recognize and accept this gift of time, and use it and all the gifts you have given us to build up humanity which you have created in your image. Amen.

Our hymn today is the MT house hymn, on the inside cover of your hymnal. Since it’s a new year, I invite you to change things a little if you feel like it, and make this song about us instead of some guy. Instead of he, sing we, instead of him, sing us, instead of his, sing our.

Good morning. I’ve had a line of a poem stuck in my head for a while: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead. Come to tell you all, I shall tell you all.” In this ironic line the poet is wondering whether he has anything to say to the people who read his poetry, and although, like anyone in this profession, I love to talk, I have been asking myself the same thing in the past weeks since I agreed to speak to you today. Last year I had a year off from my job here, I had great adventures, some crashing misadventures, and I learned a lot. Is there any point to telling you about it? Will you believe me? Will it make a difference to you? I can’t answer any of those questions with a simple yes or no, obviously, because the you here is plural, and invariably what plants a thought or idea in one you’s head will put some others of you to sleep. In any case you have a solution to this problem, wrought from your experiences of sitting here quietly in three times a week.

Rather than imparting profound revelations from this lofty spot, I’d like to relive with you one month of my year, the month of May when I walked 800 kilometers on the camino, an ancient pilgrimage route to the cathedral in Santiago de Compostela in Spain. This camino, or path, has been a pilgrimage route for about a thousand years, and lots of people still walk it: in 2004, there were 200,000 registered pilgrims from all over the world. I’d like to invite you on to my camino for a few minutes, and you can respond as pilgrims do to each other: you can nod or say “hola” but keep walking by yourself, go wherever you need to go mentally. Or you can walk with me for a bit, out of curiosity or boredom or whatever, for as long as it suits you.

The hymn we sang today, To Be A Pilgrim, is an adaptation of a poem by John Bunyan, from his allegory A Pilgrim’s Progress. It’s the first story I read by myself in English as an eight-year-old immigrant. It’s the story of a man who is tired of his life of frivolity and wickedness, packs his things and sets off, just to get away from what’s been dragging him down. What happens to him on the way is an allegory, a long extended metaphor, for the Christian life, that is, what it’s like to leave behind a life of sin, find salvation for your immortal soul, and live with integrity while you wait to get to heaven. Along the way, Pilgrim discovers that what was making him miserable was not just the surroundings he left behind, but in fact it’s also the stuff he thought was part of him, that he had put in his pack to take along on his trip. A crucial point of the story is when he arrives at a cross and has an epiphany, a realization that changes his life: his weighty pack falls off his back, and he walks on, finally free. He’ll still have other troubles, but he’ll face them without that pack dragging him down.

Humans have been going on pilgrimages for centuries. They hear of a holy destination and set off, hoping for enlightenment, healing, forgiveness, salvation. My motivation was a little different: although both my immediate and my distant ancestors spent a good deal of time on the road, motivated by religious devotion, it was usually not in order to get to a destination. I come from a long line of refugees – persecution in post-Reformation Europe, pacifists fleeing northern Germany; German-speaking Christian Soviet citizens following the retreating Germany army out of Ukraine, pursued by vengeful atheist Russians in 1944. And finally, practicing Christians threatened by Soviet authorities until, in 1972, mysteriously receiving permission to move to Canada. My parents know what it’s like to leave a place with only what you can carry, but they don’t understand choosing to do that when no one is threatening your life. One relative said to me, “Can’t you think of anything better to do with your time?”

I’m not a person who sees spiritual significance in every leaf, or who interprets events as part of a grand plan in the universe. When I hear about life-changing experiences, I have a lot of doubts and questions, and I certainly wasn’t walking the camino looking for a spiritual transformation. Rather, I wanted to do this walk as a change from my usual every day life in this school: I wanted a physical challenge, time by myself, time in nature, and a cultural and linguistic experience. I certainly got all of that in thirty days of walking.

I did quite a lot of preparation before I left, getting the right clothes, shoes, pack and other essentials such as duct tape and clothes pins, following recommendations from other pilgrims. I was worried about two things before leaving: figuring out what I could live without and what I could carry, and being able to speak to my husband regularly. In the first four or five days, I paid the physical price of my refugee impulses: the weight of the food I had packed did some damage to my feet, legs, hips and shoulders, and I ended up handing out my heavy snacks to fellow pilgrims and putting two pounds of stuff in the post. But I was very thankful to have a phone, so my husband could call me every day before he went to work.

So I registered as a pilgrim in a village on the French side of the Pyrennees and received a pilgrim passport entitling me to sleep in pilgrim hostels. I set off at 7 a.m. on day one to cross the Pyrennees into Spain, destination Roncesvalles. It was so beautiful! It was so hard! My pack was so heavy! At about 10:00 a retired French businessman named Claude who had already walked 600 km, slowed down to walk with me and entertained and encouraged me for an hour that would otherwise have been solitary agony. Much later, when the path was still climbing, I stopped to talk to a grizzly Spaniard named Pedro who adjusted the suspension on my pack to distribute the weight more equally. And finally when the path was going down, and it was not easier but just difficult in a different way, a German student of Zen named Kim walked with me for a while, and gave me a bamboo walking stick when we parted, just before I reached the pilgrim hostel in Roncesvalles. There I went through a routine I would do 29 more times: I threw my pack on my dormitory bed, showered, hand-washed the clothes I had walked in and hung them out to dry, then crashed on my bed until it was time to eat. At 9:00, I took in my dried clothes, crawled into my sleep sack, put in my earplugs, and pulled my eye shade over my eyes. Day one had already given me more than I had bargained for in physical challenge, unimaginable beauty in nature, 7 hours of solitary walking (out of nine total), and I had used all my languages with my fellow pilgrims. No wonder I slept like a log before doing it all over again the next day.

The beautiful scenery and the friends I made among my fellow pilgrims are the easiest to talk about. What is more strange and difficult to explain, is how a pilgrim processes events. Robert Ward, a Toronto author who has walked the camino numerous times, and who doesn’t see himself as a spiritual person at all, nevertheless talks about the camino mysteriously providing for pilgrims, and recounts anecdotes from his experience. In my conversations with fellow pilgrims I heard time and again how the camino provided for them. Still, I wasn’t really expecting the camino to provide for me, I was prepared, with all that heavy stuff in my pack. And I certainly wasn’t looking to put a spiritual spin on a walk in the country. And yet …

I’d like to tell you a couple of anecdotes of how the camino provides. I’ve already told you about the people who helped me through day one. I discovered that that is standard pilgrim behaviour, and that the camino often provides for our needs through other pilgrims. On day two, I was part of a rather dramatic event: a German pilgrim named Renate fell three times on the rocky descent and though I had heard her speak English pretty well earlier in the day, after the second fall she became disoriented and spoke German to everyone as though they understood her. I was the only German-speaker in the crowd of Samaritans around her, so I thought I’d better stay. After the third fall, when her nose stopped bleeding, an Argentinian pilgrim named Elsa organized the rescue Samaritans. A tall Spaniard named Pachi took hold of her on one side and said he would walk down with her. His friend MariaJe walked behind them, and Elsa walked in front of them to set a reasonable pace for Renate. The bamboo stick I had received on day one found its next owner, replacing the short stick over which Renate had toppled three times. José, a 60-year old Spaniard, in addition to his own pack, loaded Renate’s pack on his front and walked two km downhill on shifting rock. I called him San José de dos mochilas after that. When we finally got to Zubiri, and put Renate in an ambulance from Pamplona, the little band of Samaritans dropped our packs in the hostel and went to the pub. The camino certainly provided for Renate, in spite of her obstinacy, by getting her to safety. But it also provided for me, because I had been looking for someone who could use a good stick, since I prefer to have my hands free. And Elsa and José became friends and walked together with another friend all the way to Santiago. Meeting the needs of one person can meet the needs of many.

That week I walked by myself a lot, with breaks for conversation with interesting people from all over the world. In the evenings in the hostel I met some of these friends again and continued the conversations over the daily “pilgrim menu”. On day eight I happened to leave the hostel in Logroño at the same time as four friends I had met previously. They were two Mexicans and two Germans, representing four different decades. I walked out of the city with them, and discovered common literary and muscial taste with the 67-year old retired German engineer, a common admiration for churches with the 27-year old Mexican philosopher, and delightful humourous conversation with the 34 and 57 yr old businessmen. When the rain started, their infectious good humour made the soaking quite bearable, especially with some raucous singing. We found a gazebo under which to eat our mid-morning snack, and we did a few sun salutations together, to the invisible sun. They had met on the camino and now adopted me as their pilgrim sister, and we became a little family of friends, taking breaks together, sharing chocolate, oranges, laughs, aches and pains and remedies for them. I delighted in these camino brothers the camino provided for me, when I had thought I was just fine on my own. They enriched my life when we walked together the five days in the middle of the month, and their memory was with me when we separated and met each other again. The fact is, every pilgrim is on her or his own camino, and I learned with some difficulty to recognize which camino was mine. My camino brothers and I did walk the last five days into Santiago together. There we got our pilgrim certificates before attending the pilgrim mass in the cathedral, after which we joined a huge crowd of friends for one last pilgrim menu dinner. Still now, we remind each other of what the camino gave us when we write, e-mail and skype together regularly. I know they are with me today as I talk to you.

My last anecdote is a blessing I want to pass on to you. In Carrion de los Condes, I stayed in a hostel run by the nicest Augustinian nuns. Their warmth and kindness erased some of the annoying human interactions, which happen on the camino like everywhere else in life. At the pilgrim blessing in the evening, the nuns sang some songs, and then one of them gave us a few encouraging words. She held up a little yellow arrow, like the comforting arrows showing the way along the camino, and told us about four arrows to tell us we’re on the right path, whether on the camino or in the rest of our life. Here are the four arrows:
1. The first arrow is when you meet someone on the path and they give you an encouraging word, such as Animo! or Buen camino! Then you know that you are on the right path.
2. The second arrow is when you are walking alone in silence. Sometimes you hear yourself think, sometimes you hear a voice from God, and sometimes you just hear silence. What you hear when you walk alone is an arrow to tell you you’re on the right path.
3. The third arrow is when you meet a fellow pilgrim who asks you for help. That is a sign that you are on the path, where you’re supposed to be.
4. The fourth arrow is when you ask for help from fellow pilgrims or others you meet. Asking for help is a sign tht you’re on the right path.
The nun told us that their community would be walking with us in spirit and praying for us, then the nuns went around the room and blessed each person “Que Dios te bendiga. Ve con Dios”. I thought of those four arrows almost every day on the walk, (there were many arrows), and very often in the past months as I’ve been back at work.

Although I was on my own camino, walking mostly alone, I was really never alone: I got joy and inspiration from others on the road: friendly villagers, the pretty snail or shiny slug crossing the path, friends I ran into, an encouraging note left by someone ahead, a gift of a glass of wine or a flower on my pillow when my spirits were down, the stork feeding her baby. The pilgrimage gave me acceptance, peace, perspective on striving, and respect for the complexities of walking and living. Did I have a life-changing experience? I don’t know. Am I a different person? I don’t think so. My values haven’t changed, the month-long pared-down existence just gave me time to think and practice them. The camino is not magic, it’s just life. I guess an important realization I’m still learning is that leaving behind the pain of a too-heavy pack can lead to arrogance and weighing yourself down again. I am trying to remember that my striving is like the poet’s words, which “strain, crack and sometimes break under the tension”. And maybe it’s ok to be a slow learner of this realization, part of different stages of the walk. As the poet says, “The end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” He further encourages, “Quick now, here, now, always.” And that’s what I wish for all of us. To be quick to be, here, now, always and to see the arrows pointing to the next step.

Our closing prayer is a list of ten pilgrim beatitudes sent me by an American fellow pilgrim.

Las Bienaventuranzas del peregrino. / Pilgrim Beatitudes

1. Bienaventurado eres, peregrino, si descubres que el camino te abre los ojos a lo que no se ve.
Blessed are you, pilgrim, if you discover that the camino opens your eyes to what cannot be seen.

2. Bienaventurado eres, peregrino, si lo que más te preocupa no es llegar, sino llegar con los otros.
Blessed are you, pilgrim, if you more concerned not with arriving, but arriving with friends.

3. Bienaventurado eres, peregrino, cuando contemplas el camino y lo descubres lleno de nombres y de amaneceres.
Blessed are you, pilgrim, when you contemplate the camino and find it full of names and of dawning.

4. Bienaventurado eres, peregrino, porque has descubierto que el auténtico camino comienza cuando se acaba.
Blessed are you, pilgrim, because you have discovered that the true camino begins when it ends.

5. Bienaventurado eres, peregrino, si tu mochila se va vaciando de cosas y tu corazón no sabe dónde colgar tantas emociones.
Blessed are you, pilgrim, if your backpack empties itself of things and your heart is overflowing with emotions.

6. Bienaventurado eres, peregrino, si descubres que un paso atrás para ayudar a otro vale más que cien hacia delante sin mirar a tu lado.
Blessed are you, pilgrim, if you discover that a step back to help someone is worth more than a hundred steps forward without looking to the side.

7. Bienaventurado eres, peregrino, cuando te faltan palabras para agradecer todo lo que te sorprende en cada recodo del camino.
Blessed are you, pilgrim, when you lack the words of gratitude for everything that suprises you at every bend in the road.

8. Bienaventurado eres, peregrino, si buscas la verdad y haces de tu camino una vida y de tu vida un camino, en busca de quien es el Camino, la Verdad y la Vida.
Blessed are you, pilgrim, if you look for truth and make your camino a life, and your life a camino, in search of the one who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

9. Bienaventurado eres, peregrino, si en el camino te encuentras contigo mismo y te regalas un tiempo sin prisas para no descuidar la imagen de tu corazón.
Blessed are you pilgrim, if in the camino you meet yourself and offer yourself a priceless time to in order not to neglect your heart.

10. Bienaventurado eres, peregrino, si descubres que el camino tiene mucho de silencio; y el silencio, de oración; y la oración, de encuentro con el Padre que te espera.
Blessed are you, pilgrim, if you discover that the camino holds much silence; and the silence, much prayer; and the prayer, an encounter with the One who waits for you.
Amen

where I went

2008-07-06T00:37:00.004-04:00

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." A nephew drew to my attention this quotation from Douglas Adams's The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, and I think it beautifully summarizes my year off.

Ages ago I had hoped we'd both go live somewhere interesting for a while, when Richard was still planning to freelance. But those hopes faded away when he got a job he actually enjoyed, and couldn't take time even for a few weeks in Paraguay. Then I thought I would be a homebody and pursue domestic interests. Except that I was only interested in them when they were a diversion, not my primary focus. I thought I might do an MCC learning tour to a Spanish-speaking place. Then I got intrigued by CPT and did a delegation with them instead. I had wanted to read, finish Der Mann Ohne Eigenschaften for example, but I've made no progress with it, couldn't sit long enough to focus. Ed asked me to spend a few weeks (minimum) at their place helping with the house, and hanging out. Oh look, that was something I did! After that I was torn - should I do the CPT training and get serious about NGO work, or should I follow other friends and walk the Camino to Santiago? And look, I ended up doing both (although I am no longer associated with CPT). Oh, and I did work on my Spanish quite a lot, though speaking is not easy yet. So where I had intended to go was to be useful, do things I had no time for before, and learn Spanish.

And here's where I think I've ended up:
- more thoughtful about power and more compassionate toward people who get in its way
- still sad at relationships that don't work
- more aware of how difficult nonviolent communication is
- more committed to practicing nonviolent communication
- amazed that you sometimes get what you want, and always get what you need (thanks for reminding me, Nanna)
- more committed to keeping my eyes open in order to see that I get what I want and need
- hopeful that there is more to life than getting stuff done
- more patient and compassionate with myself in learning all of the above

Wish me luck and/or pray for me.

pix of my camino

2008-06-18T11:52:00.004-04:00

Here are my low tech efforts, at capturing some of the moments on my camino:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=56974&l=507aa&id=657825405

here are some photos sent to me by camino friends:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=60860&l=ecf28&id=657825405

Remember to visit Fernando's blog if you want more proper pictures! (link at left)

still on the road, sort of

2008-06-11T17:47:00.004-04:00

So I'm not walking anymore, which makes me sad but makes the balls of my feet happy. However my travels are not over. June 12-16 I'll be visiting Quebec City with a friend from Winnipeg. June 24-28 my sister and her family are coming for a visit (from Switzerland) on their way to BC. June 30 to July 19 I'll be in BC visiting family and helping my dear parents-in-law celebrate 50 years of marriage. July 20-27 I'll be in Quebec City again for the convention of the International Federation of French Teachers. It'll be fun to see three dear colleagues again, and to share that week. Then I'll be home, slowly getting back into my work head.

Over the year I've had a bit of contact with some colleagues, and have checked my work e-mail only enough to pass on what needed to be passed on and ignore the rest. It's been very good to get away. I've also missed the thrill of shared learning and interesting conversations with students and colleagues. I'll be ready to go back.

camino people

2008-06-10T11:33:00.008-04:00

Now that I'm home, I've been going back over my camino log, checking the place names where I slept, checking the kilometers, remembering what happened and how I felt.

I really like to know the names of the people I'm talking to, and I wrote most of them down. So I thought I'd make a little litany of place names and people names, just for fun:

train to Bayonne, taxi to St-Jean-Pied-de-Port
Bruno from Freiburg, CH; Giuseppe from Italy; Gudrun from Munich

1. St-Jean-Pied-de-Port to Roncesvalles: 27 km
Gabe, Giuseppe, Claude, Christian, Renate, Kim

2. Roncesvalles to Zubiri: 20 km
Giuseppe, Bruno, Renate, Gerda, José, Elsa, Mariaje, Pachi, Kim, Inma, Jacqueline, Nicole

3. Zubiri to Cizur Mayor: 30 km
Elisabeth, Inma, Giorgio, Gastone, Pietro, Umberto, Annie & Claude

4. Cizur Mayor to Puente la Reina: 20 km
Giorgio, Gastone, Pietro, Umberto, Di, John the van coffee guy, Inma, Jacqueline, Annie & Claude, Jill, Elisabeth & Maria Eugenia, Wolfgang, Kay, Fernando

5. Puente La Reina to Estella: 22 km
Raymond, Monique & Jean-Louis, Maria Eugenia, Elisabeth, Inma, Jill, Gary, Annette, Gabe, Di, François & Jean-Pierre, three Albertans

6. Estella to Los Arcos: 22 km
Di, Monique, Wolfgang, Kai, Fernando, Elisabeth, Maria Eugenia, Elsa, José, Jacqueline, Nicole

7. Los Arcos to Logroño: 28 km
three Albertans, Jill, Lydia, Kay, Fernando, Wolfgang, Oscar, Giorgio, Umberto, Gastone, Pietro, Günther and the Frankish male quartet, Inma, Rosa, Ricardo

8. Logroño to Nájera: 29 km
Wolfgang, Kay, Fernando, Oscar, Monique & Jean-Louis, Inma, Rosa, Ricardo, Gerda, Tony & Johanna, Chantal

9. Nájera to Santo Domingo de la Calzada: 21 km
Wolfgang, Kay, Fernando, Oscar; Ismael Gomez Sacristan (wine saint in Cirueña)

10. Santo Domingo de la Calzada to Belorado: 23 km
my camino brothers (Wolfgang, Kay, Fernando, Oscar); Elsa & José, Vanna, Marcella, Belen (hospitalera)

11. Belorado to Altapuerca: 30 km
camino brothers, Nathalie, Eduardo from Villafranca (pure water at the Montes de Oca), Inma, Rosa, Ricardo, Maria Eugenia, Elsa, José, Danielle & Michel, Edelgart

12. Altapuerca to Burgos: 20 km
camino brothers, Nathalie, Christian & Claude, Annie & Claude, Donald

13. Burgos to Hornillos del Camino: 20 km
Wolfgang, Josefa, Rosa, Lucy, Nathalie, 3 Albertans

14. Hornillos del Camino to Itero de la Vega: 31 km
Wolfgang, Gerda, Nathalie, Edeltraut (74 yrs old!), Nanna, Anne, Mary, Nina, 2 Quebeckers

15. Itero de la Vega, Carrion de los Condes: 34 km
Bernie, Nanna, Lim & Jean (Korea), Kay, Fernando, Oscar,
compañeros of Ricardos paella: Inma, Rosa, Ricardo, Abby, Alessandro, Felipe, José, Elsa, Santiago

16. Carrion de los Condes to Sahagun: 38 km
Oscar, Kay, Fernando; Chantal (Quebec), Daniel

17. Sahagun to Mansilla de la Mulas and Villarente: 37 + 6 km
Oscar, Kay, Fernando; Daniel
I started getting nervous about asking people's names when one person started winking at me and sitting too close to me after we introduced ourselves. So there are fewer names from here on.

18. Villarente to Leon: 14 km
Oscar, Kay, Fernando

19. Leon to Hospital de Órbigo: 31 km
Kay, Fernando, Oscar, angel from Vienna, Amadito, Michel & Danielle, hospitalera in San Martin del Camino, Fernando from La Rioja

20. Hostpital de Órbigo to El Ganso: 30 km
Astorgan guy with visions; Kate, Ange

21. El Ganso to Riego de Ambrós: 27 km
Kay, Fernando, Oscar, Kate, Michel & Danielle,

22. Riego de Ambrós to Cacabelos: 28 km
Kate, Ange, Stefan, Bernie, Christophe the Breton and his pals

23. Cacabelos to Trabadelo over Pradelo (camino duro): 20 km?
Kate, Ange, Christophe, two German women, Richard, HeJo, 4 Barcelona women

24. Trabedlo to O Biduedo (over O Cebreiro): 30 km
HeJo, Richard, 2 Australian women, blond Breton smoker, Ange (in bar at H. de Condesa), Sabine (Freiburg), Wolfgang (Köln), Jean-Marie

25. O Biduedo to Samos: 16 km
2 short French smokers, Nanna, K, F, O, Ange, Wolfgang and Sabine, Jean-Marie, John, Alison

26. Samos to Portomarin: 34 km
K,F,O, Edelgard, Nanna, Helga

27. Portomarin to Palas del Rey: 24 km
K,F,O

28. Palas del Rey to Árzua: 30 km
K,F,O, Edelgard; San Xulian hospitalero of 4 beds and Bach; Nanna, Alice

29. Árzua to Monte de Gozo: 35 km
K,F,O, Edelgard, Michel & Danielle, Christophe

30. Monte de Gozo to Catedral de Santiago de Compostela: 5 km
K,F,O, Edelgard
Reunion with the compañeros of Ricardo's paella (Carrion de los Condes) and many other pilgrims I met on the way.

in my end is my beginning

2008-06-01T12:41:00.004-04:00

I wasn't expecting anything much from the arrival, since it was all about the walk for me. I was arriving with my camino brothers to share in their experience, because it was important to them. And then we were walking down the hill before light, with the city lights below us. And then we saw the back of the cathedral, walked through a portal and saw the almost empty square in the early morning. We just stood there for a long time.

It was a day of meeting camino friends again, and we ate together in a big crowd in the afternoon, and because no one wants it to end, went for coffee in view of the cathedral afterward. Many tears were shed before we finally parted ways.

For me the most emotional moment happened in the first reading during the mass, from Deuteronomy. The text talked about choosing your camino, and reminded me of our wedding text, Deuteronomy 30:11-16, and that's when I turned into a water fountain. I thought about this choice between life and death which God asked them to make on that day, and thought that probably there are some choices I need to make every day rather than rely on that one choice ages ago. Choosing life in my thoughts, attitudes, interactions is part of what I'm taking with me from my camino, echoing what we took along into our marriage, renewing it somehow.

Today Fernando gave us each a puzzle, because life is full of puzzle pieces that we put together as best we can. This puzzle has a pilgrim on it, and it says "Por una vida llena de flechas", wishing us signposts to show us our way, echoing the blessing of the Augustinian nuns in Carrion de los Condes, who encouraged us to look for the arrows in our life as we look for them on the camino.

overnight at the mount of joy

2008-05-31T11:42:00.004-04:00

After a long day of 35 km from Arzúa, I arrived at Monte de Gozo with Kay, Oscar and Fernando. The walk went through forests and villages again today, with fragrant eucalyptus trees shedding their bark. The 2 hrs of morning fog finally burned off to leave us with sunshine through the trees. We walked mostly alone, meeting up for coffee breaks. It was the right way to do the last big day.

Tomorrow we will walk 5 km to the cathedral, get our compostela, and attend the pilgrim mass at noon. Then we'll head to our hostel and transform ourselves into regular people as we get ready to meet some of our other friends for a "family gathering", reuniting the families of friends who ate Ricardo's marvelous paella in Carrion de los Condes. Monday K, F, O continue to Finisterre, but I will do it in a day trip on the bus, just to see the ocean and throw my socks in it.

I'm feeling sad, I don't want it to end. I keep thinking of how I might do this next time. Strange. Good thing I'll have lots of time in trains and planes to think things through.

at home in Galicia

2008-05-28T16:11:00.006-04:00

This is me with my favourite pilgrim monument, the tired one who has taken his sandals off. We were on our way out of León that day, it was the beginning of my bad day turned good day.

And today what a lovely wet day of walking through the Galician countryside! Lots of farms with cows and chickens, lots of rain, lots of mud. Lovely views all around. Many pilgrims looked unhappy today, they're really tired of the rain. Lucky me I like the rain! My jacket kept me dry on top, and the rain didn't get hard enought to wet my pants except for about an hour or so after lunch. And when it stopped, my pants dried quickly. Still, it was great to get to the big modern pilgrim hostel in Portomarin, and throw everything into the washing machine, sleeping bag and all.

This morning I started off with Kay, Fernando and Oscar from Samos where we had stayed overnight in a monastery. They like to get going early with a minimal breakfast of yogurt and fruit. On that fuel we covered the 12 km to Sarria in 2 hrs and 10 minutes. That's so fast! Too fast really; I got a leg cramp in the last few minutes before we stopped for breakfast, where I could fuel up on tortilla (potato and egg dish), while my camino brothers ate toast and jam. No wonder I took off like a rocket after that, right? I always feel a little sad when we lose each other during the day, they're so great in so many ways. But it makes the reunions in the evening so much nicer, and tonight we had a dinner with some other friends as well.

There's a light haze of sadness over the great camino family feeling now, as we near the end of the walk. I don't want it to end! But just a few more nights of earplugs against snorers, waking up early, massaging the feet and walking with the first light. But it's so much more than just a walk, have I said that already? I'll figure out a better way to say it soon.

should I go or should I stay?

2008-05-24T05:30:00.003-04:00

Should I stay in Ponferrada or should I heed the call of the road and keep walking?

If you're wishing there were some pictures here, please visit my friend Fernando's blog, since he's better organized about photos than I. And I'm in some of them anyway.

Yesterday I passed the highest point of the walk, some 1500 m above sea level. There I left a symbolic stone at the bottom of the iron cross where pilgrims have been doing just that for ages. It was a wonderful climb: the fog burned off, there were dark clouds with light coming through, the terrain of the path was nicely varied to give my feet a break, and I can't talk about the view, you'll have to see it for yourself. Do visit the mundicamino site (link at left), stay on the Spanish page and click on Camino francés (the English site is not great). I'm somewhere in their stage 25.

My head and heart are full, and I have a week of experiences left. Will likely arrive in Santiago on June 1, hopefully for the party that some of the "compañeros de la paella de Carrion" are planning.

So, I think I'll go to the next village after all. Animo!

los ángeles del 21 de mayo

2008-05-21T11:50:00.003-04:00

Today I had a very hard day. It all started with a little egotism yesterday: I went for a massage in León and told the therapist that I'm ok with intensive massage. Ha. Maybe true at home, but not here on the camino. I walked out of there one big ache, and sleeping for 90 minutes afterwards did nothing to ease the pain. Walking to the cathedral afterward I felt some gentle twanging in the left foot. Should have gone straight to my bed, but didn't. Felt better this morning, but after about 90 minutes of walking with my compañeros and with very sore balls of my feet, I had to stop for a café con leche in Virgen del Camino. They went on, of course, they want to get to Finisterre by June 4 or so. Besides, I've left them before and caught up, so it's not like I'll never see them again. Still, I was feeling very sad and very sorry for myself. I sat outside with my coffee, my orange juice and my pastry and pulled my hat over my eyes ostensibly against the sun but really to make it less obvious that I had turned into a water fountain. That's when the camino started to speak to me.

Angel #1: a pilgrim from near Vienna who asked if she could sit at my table even though the others were unoccupied. When she came back with her coffee, she saw my face and told me she was in the same spot a few days ago, that it was ok, that I'd feel better soon and would stop hurting soon, and that I'd see my friends again. I didn't ask her name. She left before I did, but later she came up from behind me again, encouraging me to let the camino teach me about limits and to enjoy my own pace. After walking with me for a while, she stopped to put moleskin on her sore toe and I walked on.

Angels #2 and #3: I was walking with quite sore feet, but the terrain was softer so I was making better progress, and happened to catch up with Danielle and Michel, a couple from the south of France who've been on the road for weeks, started in Le Puy. They told me they had seen our mutual friends and encouraged me to keep to my own pace. Walking with them took my mind off my self-pity.

Angel #4: around 12:30 I stopped at an albergue in San Martin del Camino, wondering if I should call it quits for the day, but not really wanting to. The hospitalero told me what was in the mixed salad and I ordered it. The hospitalera who brought it to me was angel #4: the salad was a small mountain and had eggs, tuna, rice, pasta, tomatos and lettuce. She told me to sit there and eat the whole thing, that this is exactly what my body needed. She brought me a pitcher of water and big chunks of hearty bread, then kept checking on my progress. After a while she asked if I wanted a glass of wine, on her. Really exactly what I needed. The break finished off with yet more comfort because Richard called just when I was finished eating, and then Ed called as I was walking out of the village.

Angel #5: the misery of the day was incomplete without a nice downpour, but that happened a few minutes after I left the village. I found partial shelter under a tree until the worst of it passed, but by then my pants (that's right, I came without rain pants, loca that I am) were drenched. By then self-pity would have been ridiculous, especially when I saw Fernando, a pilgrim-hospitalero from La Rioja, poking his head out the window of an old barn asking if I was nuts. But I won't call him angel #5; that honour goes to the happy frogs who were singing in the creek next to the path for the remainder of the walk to the village of Hospital de Orbigo.

Angel #6: when the rain stopped and the sun came out, my quick-dry pants quickly dried in the light breeze which was playing with the leaves. The sound reminded me to breathe and to live where I was and not somewhere else.

A few hundred metres from the village Fernando from La Rioja caught up with me and laughed at the two of us walking in the rain. He might be angel #7, but that would simply be too cute or medieval, so I'll leave him out of it :-)

Now I'm sitting in a warm albergue getting ready to eat my empanada with tuna, and later my yogurt. My feet are still very sore, as are my calves and shins. Who know how things will be tomorrow, how far I'll be able to walk, but for tonight at least I'm warm and dry.

moments, not kilometers

2008-05-17T03:20:00.004-04:00

When I was walking out of Burgos with my friend Wolfgang a few days ago, an elderly gentleman held us up for a little chat. This happens regularly, and the opportunity for an interesting conversation is just to great to pass up. Domingo Lopez Calle told us the camino is not about hurrying to collect kilometers, but about slowing down and collecting moments.

That's what I'm doing. I'm walking on my own again, enjoying the space around me watching the clouds pass, and the space in my head watching the thoughts pass.

The meseta is so beautiful, there are fewer pilgrims on the road, and my body has found its own rhythm.

Gifts of the Camino

2008-05-11T11:21:00.004-04:00

Today on Pentecost Sunday I'm in Santo Domingo de la Calzada. There's a 5-day feast for the saint going on this week, so there's one party after the other going on in the village. It's fun, makes one forget that it's cold and damp out. There's a great legend here that features miraculous chickens, so in a while I'll go to the church and check out the chickens there. You can read the legend by following the image on the site above, to "milagro".

Sounds tacky, I know, but there are so many great things that happen as one walks along, so I thought I'd make a little litany of thanks for the gifts I've received, in no particular order.

The four compañeros I've travelled with yesterday and today: Wolfgang, Kay, Fernando (link to his blog at left) and Oscar (2 Germans, 2 Mexicans). It's a great little band of pilgrims, there's lots of singing and laughing and multilingual chatting. Yesterday when I was walking with a wet behind for about 4 hrs their company helped me keep my spirits warm, and in the evening in Nájara we had a great time at dinner. When we're walking, there's a nice rhythm of walking alone or with the others, and we wait for each other at major crossings or at a café/bar for our morning coffee.

The views: the beautiful colours in the fields, the amazing delicacy of flowers (the colours of the season are blue, red, yellow). The lines of geography: the shape of the hills, the line of the path ahead, the shapes and colours of the wet rocks, the different colours and textures of the mud. The villages: smooth shining cobblestones, beautiful arrows and shells showing us the way, seemingly unpopulated before 9, except for the flowers in the windows and at the doors, and then when we finish dinner, around 9, and come out of the restaurant, suddenly there are people everywhere.

It seems there's something every day: Fri I walked into Logroño with 4 men from the Frankish area of Bavaria, and they turned out to be a folk quartet. Their beds were in a row next to mine, and as we were settling in they sang for me "Grosser Gott wir loben Dich". They've promised me "Weisst Du wieviel Sternlein stehen" next time we meet. The room we ended up sleeping in last night had huge skylights through which we watched storks flying around. Today when we were having a wet picnic on a bench beside the road in Cirueña, an elderly couple opened their window and welcomed us. The man, Ismael, came out and said, "nice picnic, but where's the wine?" We said we didn't have any, and he motioned for us to follow him. He led us to his cellar where he has 4 vats of 300 L each, and he gave us from the vat of young wine of tempranillo grapes. It was so delicious with our baguette of ham and cheese! He was so fun, telling us about the process, about how he sees hordes of pilgrims rushing by but rarely anyone who stops and even more rare the possibility for a conversation. His son and grandson dropped by and we talked to them too.

The food: the morning coffee after a couple hours of walking, when friends meet again and check on each other's aches and pains and how they slept and where they're walking to. The lovely fresh bread, delicious cheese, the interesting local stuff on the pilgrim menus in the restaurants.

The hot shower at the end of a day's walking, the crashing on the bed afterward before heading out to explore the village when everything opens again at 5. The delicious feeling of early sleep, a natural waking, and peaceful start to walking at first light.

This is just a little taste of some of the joys in my days. I'm filled with gratitude for these and many other gifts of the Camino.

"That's man all over for you,

2008-05-08T12:31:00.006-04:00

blaming on his shoes the fault of his feet." Says either Didi or Gogo at the beginning of Waiting for Godot. And indeed my shoes and my pack feel so much better on my feet and my back and hips since I got rid of about three pounds of stuff.

Had a lovely day 6 today, walking from Estella to Los Arcos. Could have kept going, but the beds in Torres del Rio were all full. But it's ok, this way my body can recover better.

The spirit of the camino is something to be experienced. Pilgrims are friendly, respecting your need for either some conversation or some quiet. There is comaraderie if you want it, and an inexplicable privacy in the midst of living shoulder to shoulder in the hostels. Very curious.

The path through wine country today was so beautiful, rolling hills formed by the wind, it seems. I was out of earshot of others for a couple of hours and was belting out some hymns and some songs from my Women of Latin America cd. Who needs an ipod? But mostly I listen to babbling brooks, the wind in the trees and fields, the birds.

Now I'm off to my massage appointment. A local therapist offers good prices to pilgrims, and comes to the hostel! Tomorrow maybe a longer day, we'll see. One day at a time!

in joy and in pain in Puente la Reina

2008-05-06T11:26:00.006-04:00

I'm so glad to be here!

I mean that in several senses.

So glad to be walking the Camino. It feels like exactly the right combination of physical effort and peace in nature; solitude and encounters with fellow pilgrims and interesting conversations in English, French, German, Spanish, and some multilingual ones with gestures. It feels right to be here.

Also so glad to have arrived at the hostel earlier today, because being here also hurts. The heck with my spiritual reflection on what I need and don't need, my attachment to my things is taking a physical toll, on my hips (inadequately padded hip belt for this weight) and my feet (too much weight on them). Something has to go. But what? I'm eating the food as fast as I can. Maybe mail some clothes and things to Ed's place. I will also to take a few short days like today and give my feet and hips time to recover from their effort.

Here's where I'm staying tonight, the Albergue Santiago Apostol, so you can see my view even though I can't figure out how to get photos out with the technology I have available.

Off to sit in the grass looking out over the green green valley. Pray for good weather, if you're praying!

my avowed intent to be a pilgrim

2008-04-27T15:59:00.007-04:00

I've had this Anglican hymn text (after the original text by John Bunyan, with the Monk's Gate tune) running through my head off and on the last little while. It's a popular hymn at school, and maybe I've been homesick for thrice weekly prayers with 700 women's voices singing in unison (with a few men's to enrich the texture). But I've also been thinking a lot about what I need vs what I can carry. If I can't carry it, does that mean I don't need it? And why on earth was I not lifting weights for the past two months to get ready to carry everything I need?

Of course I'm talking about the 35 liter pack that will sit on my back for 4 - 6 hours a day, for the month it will take me to walk the Camino francés across northern Spain to Santiago de Compostela. The suggestion is not to carry more than 10% of your body weight. The single item in my pack that weighs the most is the water: the three-liter hydration pouch which fits into my pack and has a hose coming over my shoulder so I can drink hands free (-ish), when full, weighs 5 pounds. My simplified toiletries weigh 2 pounds. (I should make do with even less, I know, but I'm a middle-aged lady who needs a certain minimum of face creams and hair products.) My sandals weigh 1.5 pounds. My sleep sack and towel weigh 2 pounds, and my clothes weigh 5 pounds. Not bad, right? But I also need to carry food and vitamins and some other supplies like a knife, string, clothespins, duct tape, lamp, etc. My total at the moment is between 5 and 10 pounds heavier than I want to carry, depending on how many snack bars I carry. So, tomorrow when I'm well rested and clear-headed I'll go through everything again to see what else I can do without. After all, look at John Bunyan's pilgrim above, how comfortable does that look?

So the final big adventure of my year off work is this pilgrimage during which I will live only with what I can carry, spend hours on end alone (although my youngest brother is beginning the walk with me), sleep in pilgrim hostels (with earplugs) and eat off pilgrim menus.

What's the point? Or, as one relative said, Can't you think of anything better to do with your time? Well, actually, I can think of a lot of things to do with my time, and maybe that's the problem. There's too much stuff around me all the time, and too much noise in my head from all the things I should do, want to do, owe to other people. I guess I'm so used to this weight from my job, that even this year when I'm not working, I've packed on feelings of obligation to accomplish stuff for myself and for people around me. So by taking up my pilgrim's pack for a month I'm putting off the pack I usually carry around with me, to which I've been adding very worthwhile little things here and there, barely noticing that I'm bending more and more under the weight.

The destination is Santiago de Compostela, which I do want to see; but this is really mostly about the journey. I want to cultivate inner quiet, an attitude of awareness, openness, listening to the wind and the birds and to God, and occasionally to the people I meet. I'll have a notebook and a pen to slow my thoughts down by writing them. Since I can't actually sit still for very long, this physical effort will provide a framework for my inner pilgrim's progress. From the reading I've done, I know that sometimes the loudest thing I hear will be my aching shoulders or shins, or the snores of others in the bunkroom. I'll see how it goes. I don't want to be arrogant about my fitness, and will take a bus part of the way if I can't keep up the pace to get done in a month.

If I feel like it, I'll post something here occasionally. I'll see if my reflection leads anywhere. I can't tell where, from here!

(If you've never heard of this walk, have a look here at the route.)

Visit to Paraguay

2008-04-06T20:41:00.001-04:00

for those who are interested in having a look, and who have some time to kill, here are photos from my 2-week visit to see Richard's relatives in Paraguay. Not very complete or artistic shots, but you can get an idea of how beautiful and interesting it is there. It's fall there now, so daytime temps only around 35 C., most nights around 25 except last few around 20. I ran twice in Asuncion and twice in the Chaco, very early, to avoid the worst heat.

I had a great time with the rellies, so many interesting people! And I have become an enthusiast of chipa, tereré, and the marvelous scent of palo santo wood. I am definitely going back, next time with Richard, and taking more time to see things I had no time for this time, and to spend more time with more of the cool relatives!

Asuncion:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=47271&l=91dc7&id=657825405

Chaco (mostly Neu Halbstadt, the centre of Neuland Colony):
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=47277&l=1d5b3&id=657825405

Chaco farms (Cousin Alfred's and Onkel Heinz's):
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=47281&l=98d2b&id=657825405

weekend trip to Iguazu (the Brazilian park):
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=47304&l=5173e&id=657825405

Relatives:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=47302&l=e983f&id=657825405

Final reflections on my learnings from CPT Training

2008-02-27T19:29:00.004-05:00

Many have of you have asked about my experience in CPT Training in January, and it’s been hard to answer. I needed to talk to Doug P. (CPT Co-Director) before talking about it more publicly, and now feel ready to respond.

I am not continuing with CPT because I was rejected. I was shocked: because I believe it is not a good decision; because of the lack of transparency in the decision-making – I was told on the second last night – and because of the hurtful way the decision was communicated. I was given no warning, no opportunity to respond, and nothing but a broad general statement as a reason (“the way your gifts played out would not be good on team”). I found it very difficult to accept that an organization dedicated to peacemaking could behave like this, and I mourn the impossibility of further involvement with CPT because of this exclusion at the very end of a month’s good-faith effort.

I feel fortunate to have the support and nurture of a devoted spouse and close friends at church, but it has been especially hard thinking about being at church together with Doug and Jane. I am thankful however that Doug has listened respectfully to me, and has named what he hopes CPT can learn from this experience. We have decided together that naming what we have learned is one way to begin restoring this relationship in our strong church community. We've read each other's statements which will be printed in the church newsletter.

And so I would like to share some of what I have learned from my month in CPT.

1. I want to learn more about my own personality; how others might respond to my personality and what I can do to minimize the impact of those reactions; how and why I respond to the personalities of others. I have generally avoided personality profiling in the past but am committed to learning more.
2. Another learning about myself as a person is the strong reaction I have when I see interpersonal injustice. My first instinct is to figure out how to fix it, and I have a hard time letting go; even when I realise that I can’t fix it, or that it’s out of my area of responsibility and influence, I still want to convince people who are are a position to do so, that they need to fix the injustice.
3. I experienced the difficulty of having conversations across barriers created by privilege (of citizenship, skin colour, education, etc.) and moved from despair at the seeming impossibility of openness to the hope that acknowledging my own privilege will somehow be part of the movement toward more justice for all.
4. The most interesting and potentially useful part of the training for me were the three days of conflict transformation, with a large emphasis on the non-violent communication tools of Marshall Rosenberg. The workshop gave us a good initial familiarity with the tools, and learning about these transformative possibilities has given me reassurance that I don’t need to pursue CPT to obtain justice; it has been enough for me to be able to imagine various scenarios if CPT and I were to talk.

I want to thank readers of this blog for supporting me. I'm in an intensive Spanish course at the moment, trying to get more comfortable speaking. I'll be off to Paraguay for two weeks over Easter, and will get to see how much I've progressed. It'll be a linguistic feast for me, since many of the Ratzlaff cousins speak Spanish, German, English. I'm looking forward to discovering new places.

home again; perspective adjusted

2008-01-28T20:45:00.001-05:00

It's so great to be home! Back to the comforts of home after three months away (with 5-day and 9-day breaks in the first and second month) feels like a blessing. The laundry is done and I've been napping a lot. I don't have plans to work on team with CPT at the moment. I am looking forward to being home, to reading and running and practicing yoga and practicing conversational Spanish. Thanks to all of you who were supporting me in various ways during my month in Chicago. Here's one last look at one of the more fun activities we did, a peace song circle, posted by my colleague Chihchun. The page has links to video glimpses of other parts of the training.

This morning I went to federal court with about 10 people from TUMC, accompanying a long-standing fellow church member, a stateless Palestinian whose application for status in Canada has been in process for 14 years. You can read an article about him in an August issue of the Toronto Star, and it wouldn't hurt to send an e-mail to Public Safety Minister Stockwell Day asking him to look at the 300 pages of evidence and reverse his decision. There's absolutely no grounds to believe that Youssef poses a threat to national interests, after all. On the contrary, granting him status would reflect well on Canada as a nation practicing justice.

In the meantime, please keep Youssef in your thoughts and prayers. He's in a very vulnerable place at the moment, feeling desperate at the continued separation from his family. I tried to encourage him by telling him the story of my parents' 14 years of refused immigration applications followed by miraculous permission; and encouraging him to hang in there by thinking of his children who need a better life. Canada can't deport him because he has nowhere to go; the refugee camp where he was born was destroyed. Why not let him and his family in?!? I hope the little crowd around Youssef in court this morning will help his chances, and I hope you'll all join to swell the ranks of the crowd and ask the government to give Youssef status.

Selected Quotations from my CPT Training Notes.

2008-01-23T23:17:00.001-05:00

The way to get rid of an enemy is to turn him into a friend.

Justice: it will be better when everyone has enough.

A feeling of purpose or meaning in one’s life contributes to a sense of calm in difficult situations. What is my purpose, my meaning in life?

When coming out of a place of privilege, we can forget that our strongest power is the power of non-violent love, and rely instead on our privilege.

Observation without evaluation is the highest form of intelligence.

The purpose of conflict transformation / non-violent communication is
- to return to a natural way of being, i.e. joy in interactions
- to free ourselves from pre-conditioned thinking
- to build life-serving organizations

Working on undoing oppression (my own and that of my society) is part of working out my salvation with fear and trembling.

Sometimes you have to go slow to go fast.

The way out of the mess we have created will mean that people of privilege give something up.
But that’s ok, because there’s enough here for everyone.

Walls are better at keeping people in than at keeping people out.

Do you put a dollar’s worth of energy
into a nickel’s worth of conflict?

Welcome to the fiery furnace.
CPT is in here alongside Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego,
and is pulling the church in as well.

It’s not children’s responsibility to end violence.
They will stop violent play when they stop seeing it in their life.

My intention: to get “self” out of the way of relationships,
to be curious, to see, to ask questions, to enjoy.

Reconciliation is what God does with the enemy problem.

nearing the end of training

2008-01-23T19:28:00.001-05:00

Just three and a half days of training to go. I have some assignments to complete this week yet, so I'm grateful for having evenings off for the rest of the week. I also hope to visit the Art Institute and go to one more concert of the Chicago Symphony. I fly back to Toronto at 6:00 on Sunday.

For those who were curious to hear more about our public witness (aka demonstration), I invite you to visit the article which appeared on Medill Reports. In the photo accompanying the article, I'm on the left, in the red toque and the yellow cape (I was handing out leaflets to traffic stopped at the red light, so needed to be visible). You can also read the official CPT report.

More to come once I get home!

learning and acting

2008-01-15T22:40:00.001-05:00

We’ve covered a lot of ground in almost three weeks: the history and purpose non-violent direct action, conflict transformation and non-violent communication, spirituality for peace-making, organizing skills for working with media, inter-personal styles, CPT history and mission, undoing racism, trauma healing and self-care. Last week was particularly challenging for me, as we learned about non-violent communication. It’s a long time that I’ve been wanting to delve into this topic, and it feels like it will take me a long time to develop the skills I so badly want. Then I had some personal trouble during the two days of undoing racism, not related to the topic. It took its toll, but my fellow training participants were marvelously supportive. I feel very lucky to have them.

It’s a fabulous group: there are two Catholics in the group, one of them a nun who worked in Africa for 30+ years, the other an activist who goes to a really cool church with a woman priest. Both of them are warm and kind and loving, though their personalities seem different at first. Then there’s a retired minister from the UK who has spent chunks of time in Hebron, appreciates quiet and reads poetry. There’s a college grad who’s an activist and has a very inspiring faith. An older retired couple who came to activism when they joined with aboriginal people in their town to protest a uranium exploration project. Another woman grew up in Jamaica and has worked a lot with oppressed people. There’s a very cool and funny woman from New Jersey who has an amazing life story, and who has been a Mennonite for three years. The other Mennonites are just as interesting: a young woman from Taiwan who learned about CPT when she was on exchange in Goshen, a warm and funny retired missionary from Africa, a young social worker from the west coast who has a shining heart and faith, a musician/teacher/builder, and then there’s me. Everyone is inspiring and admirable in a different way, it seems, and I think I could work with any of them in the field, it things go that far.

Today was our second public witness: we visited Congressman Rahm Emanuel’s office to ask him to vote against any additional war funding. He’s a powerful Democrat who has been voting for war funding even though he is very vocal about opposing the war. Go figure that one out. Some of us stood with banners, leaflets and posters on the sidewalk outside the office, while others went inside to ask him to sign a pledge to oppose war funding. He wasn’t there, so they prayed and read a litany for the victims of the war, both US soldiers and Iraqi civilians. Outside on the sidewalk we read the same litany and sang peace songs.

I will tell you more about the events after the action at another time. Just now I wanted to invite you again to pray for our training group as people discern where to go from here, and of course to support the work of peacemakers everywhere. You can start by visiting CPT’s newly re-designed website! And please write me e-mails, I am really feeling quite homesick in spite of my great colleagues. Today especially was hard, because it's Richard's birthday! But I'll be home in 12 days.

Training has begun!

2008-01-05T14:45:00.002-05:00

With my 9th day of training behind me, I've reached a certain comfort level with the training content and with my colleagues. The house where most of us sleep (in bunk beds) and eat breakfast is located about a 45 minute walk from the training centre where we spend our days and evenings. Most people do this walk twice a day. We begin with worship from 8:15-9:00, and we take turns leading that. Our sessions then go from 9:00-12:00, from 2:30-5:30, and from 7:30 till 9:00. We've covered quite a lot of ground already, from Biblical basis for non-violence, to learning about public witness and non-violent direct action, to planning and carrying out our own public witness, to reviewing the history of CPT and using a tool to discuss our inter-personal styles. It's been intense, but I've managed to run a few times, usually with colleagues, and occasionally practice yoga. I need more sleep than I'm getting, but it's hard to unwind enough at the end of the day to get to bed at a decent hour. We've been passing around a cold, but I only had it for a day. So I'm actually doing great.

Like other training groups before us, our first public witness was to challenge Toys R Us to remove violent video games from their inventory. Part of this witness can be seen here. We will also carry out a public witness on January 15.

I'm learning a lot, and I'm sure I'll learn a lot more in the 3 weeks + remaining. Thanks for your support!

preparation

2007-12-24T13:58:00.001-05:00

As I've been getting over jet lag and various other stuff in the past week, I've been working my way through the preparatory materials CPT sent me, to read before the training which starts in three days. I'm not finished, by any means, so it's good that we have a quiet Christmas planned.

I'm going to make a tourtière for tonight, and a lemon cranberry loaf, and we'll decide tomorrow what we'll make for tomorrow. We have a fridge full of food, including some amazing cheese and two kinds of Christmas cookies. We're aiming for simple, i.e. not much time in the kitchen, so we can kick back, relax, read, think, etc.

If you have a few minutes for some reading and thinking of your own, may I suggest this sermon by Martin Luther King, "Loving Your Enemies", delivered 50 years ago. It made me realize how far short I fall, and yet reinforced my decision to do the training and learn more about non-violent action and conflict management.

"Time is cluttered with the wreckage of communities which surrendered to hatred and violence. For the salvation of our nation and the salvation of mankind, we must follow another way."

Have a peaceful and joyous Christmas, everyone.

still more trip photos

2007-12-14T16:30:00.000-05:00

Have received preparatory readings for the CPT training, am saving them for the flight home on Monday. Switzerland is in a major drama because Blocher got voted out of the Bundesrat and a woman got voted in. Some are in mourning, some are rejoicing. Fear of immigrants (especially non-whites) is a big thing in some parts of the population. OK, they actually have dialect variations between Bern and Basel, a 45-minute train ride apart, so differences of all kinds are nicely preserved because they're cherished. As Obelix says in Egypt, "C'est une autre culture."

Have a look at the Zentrum Paul Klee in Bern, where we had a lovely visit today.

Have a look at some more photos:
Life in Les Montants

Excursions in the French Alps

Basel Visit Dec.7-17

more trip photos

2007-12-04T13:01:00.000-05:00

- weekend in Basel
- week two in Taninges

Sorry, no deep thoughts. Too busy working, gazing at the scenery, and visiting with Ed, Jane, and their neighbour Ida. Might have some deep thoughts soon.

peacemaker bootcamp in Jan!

2007-11-21T05:10:00.002-05:00

Yes, it's happening. CPT has invited me to their training from Dec.27-Jan.27 and I will be going. I'm busy being a renovation assistant at the moment (see photos of the first week), and will write more at another time.

from CPT Colombia

2007-11-14T03:35:00.001-05:00

In lieu of an update on whether I'll be in CPT training in January (not yet confirmed), I invite you to visit the CPT page on yahoo groups, where you'll learn of a nasty incident that happened to Jacqueline, a worker of the OFP who hosted our delegation in July, and where you can help take action.

At home I'm riding the family roller coaster of good news - bad news, with aging parents. At the moment things are looking up. Friday I leave for France, and the following weekend I'll be in Basel, then back to Taninges. I'm looking forward to seeing my siblings and niece, and to going to the Christmas market. Mulled wine after the Basel Stadtlauf 5k, for example. Civilized, isn't it?

interpreting. or, who is my neighbour? my friend? my family?

2007-11-03T10:35:00.000-04:00

The past two days I've had a crack at interpreting, for two Congolese women, Mennonite theologians from Kinshasa. I was nervous, not for the basic language component, but about diving into a different culture and then reflecting it back in a comprehensible way. I was also worried about experiencing everything they talked about twice (in French and in English), especially the stories of violence. But it was ok! In fact, I ended up feeling tremendously blessed and invigorated by both experiences: the visit with the psychologist on Thursday, to discuss therapy for trauma victims, and the visit to CPT on Friday, to learn about CPT's history and current projects, including the recent exploratory delegations to the D.R. Congo.

I'm more convinced than ever of the importance of learning languages, for the equally important nurturing of cross-cultural relationships. But is there even room in our urban reality for such experiences? We spend all our time rushing around accomplishing stuff, and then stopping abruptly to do self-care, and then get right back to hyper-productive mode. Reminds me of the Goddess of Productivity Julian G. from Colombia talks about in an article. Wait a minute; it's not very enlightening to use the plural here to paint everyone around me with the broad brush of my perception, when really I'm the one re-examining how I live my life.

Specifically I'm wondering about friendships and community - I don't live very near my closest friends, and I'm even further from my parents and siblings, but is that any reason not to nurture and build relationships with the people I do live with? The older single men in the two apartments down the hall, for example, one a heavy smoker, the other very hard of hearing. Or the Chinese couple who walk really early in the morning. Or the Indian couple who lead the yoga class and from whom I learned about breathing. That silly facebook phenomenon of collecting friends had me thinking a while ago about an over-consumption of relationships, which become disposable because they're so numerous. Who needs family, when they can be replaced by friends? Who needs friends who are demanding, when they can be replaced by other friends? Who wants to be friends with someone who can't offer me social advancement, or personal enrichment, or be a mirror to reflect who I am or want to be? Who needs to live with inconvenience, I'm not obligated to anyone but myself. And maybe my spouse.

A little grim, I'm being. Must be all that Russian immersion into melancholy in my childhood. Let me blame at least the mood on the most convenient suspect, and suspend follow-up on the ideas for the moment. Until a flash of insight strikes, showing a clear and obvious path. Or at least a crack in the gloom to give a hint of the way forward.

off the couch and into ... the kitchen?

2007-10-31T08:04:00.000-04:00

As fall arrives in Toronto, I thought I'd reflect on the past few months of being at home, occupying myself with Spanish classes, yoga, running a few times a week, and whatever else strikes my fancy.

What have I accomplished? Well, my Spanish conversational skills are definitely improved, especially one on one, or in small groups. I can stay in wheel for longer than 10 breaths (though my arms aren't straight yet), and I held crane for 5 breaths yesterday. OK, so yogis are not supposed to strive for accomplishment, but hey, I haven't got to that much detachment yet, I'm still only aiming for it (yogic irony). My left knee is registering my decreased running mileage by providing percussion when I walk down stairs. Can someone explain to my why this doesn't happen when I run more than 15 miles a week? It's quite humbling to have to be so careful with that kneecap. I've spent some good time with friends, as well. Lunches, walks, two operas, shopping, visits over coffee. I feel very lucky to have had that time.

I haven't actually pushed my limits by trying new activities. Except this week: I'm trying my hand at interpreting, on Thursday and Friday, for two Congolese women visiting some people from Waterloo North Mennonite Church. It'll be good to get into my French head again, and be useful to someone.

And then there's the stuff I haven't accomplished: I've read very little. I haven't quilted the patchwork quilt I pieced last year, which is supposed to be our car blanket, for winter emergencies. I did cut up the marvelous fabric Mari gave me years ago, and pieced a few blocks, but they're not working out into anything I want to live with. I've barely progressed on the socks I started last spring. I can't seem to get my closet uncluttered. And I wish I could have seen even more of my friends: I only made one visit to St. Catharines, and no visits to London or KW.

But mostly what I haven't mastered, is how to be a productive housewife. I can't believe I ever thought it would be a fun thing to do for a few months. It takes so much organisation, so much time, so much commitment! When I'm not at work, I have low tolerance for dust and grime, and mess in the kitchen, but cleaning every few days seems so obsessive compulsive, not to mention time-consuming. And I can't get the hang of meal-planning more than a day or two in advance. Then there's the laundry and ironing. You'd think the shirts wouldn't need to live in the purgatory of an unironed pile if I'm not rushing off to a job, but alas they still do! And perhaps silliest of all is that it's all in my head; Richard laughs when I tell him how unsuccessful I feel as a housewife.

So I'll be glad to leave behind the weight of household duties next week when I go see my parents in Abbotsford for 5 days. It'll be nice to see them, and to stay at my in-laws' in the country. It's always a good time sitting around the kitchen table talking about everything and anything, with both sets of parents. And I'm looking forward to seeing the flora and fauna on the dyke during an early morning run.

When I get back from Abbotsford, I'll have just four and a half days in TO before I fly to Geneva. The plan is to stay at Ed's in Taninges (Haute-Savoie) for three weeks, then at Mari's in Basel for 10 days. However, the first weekend there, I've registered for a little 5 k race in Basel, so I'll get to see Mari, Aschi and Anna three weeks from now! At Ed's, I'll be helping with whatever renovation project is underway, likely painting and providing household support. My friend Ginny will be there for the first two weeks as well, helping out, and visiting of course, and hill-training! Then at Mari's, I'm looking forward to seeing the Paul Klee centre in Bern, daytime concerts in various churches, hanging out with Anna, maybe doing some quilting, and of course celebrating Mari's birthday. I'll be back in TO on Dec.17.

But the most momentous time will begin Dec.27, God willing and I live so long, when the CPT training begins in Chicago. Some of my earlier reservations are calmed somewhat since my telephone interview where I got more information about how the days are structured. There's time to yourself mid-day most days, and one complete day off every week. I think that should be enough for me. So then my biggest remaining concern is how hard it will be to be away from Richard for a second month so soon after my month in Europe. But as he says, it's not a separation caused by disaster, such as my grandparents lived through, and it's a limited time. We've done it before, I'm sure we'll be ok.

Well, that's it for my end of October ruminations. The coming posts will let you know finally if the CPT training is on. Happy All Saints Day tomorrow!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight … and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us. … Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed." (Hebrews 12: 1, 12-13)

application in

2007-10-16T10:14:00.001-04:00

Those of you who are checking here periodically to see how my CPT training deliberations are going may be interested to know that I submitted my application yesterday (the due date). Submitting it still doesn't constitute a commitment on my part, nor am I guaranteed acceptance by any means. If it happens, it'll begin on Dec.27, 10 days after I get back from my month in France/Switzerland, and it will end on Jan.27. Spending January in Chicago sounds pretty unappealing, but hey, I'm not going as a tourist.

It's just a next step, but it did feel rather momentous to click that send button, putting a little more of what I value (my time) where my mouth (and heart) is.

What matters?

2007-10-02T16:02:00.000-04:00

Immediately after writing my last whiny post, I read this news release from CPT Colombia, about the arrest of leaders of ACVC, the peasants' organisation. These are people our delegation met with in July. So this is what matters, that I support the struggle of people to improve their lives, and who do it without resorting to associating with violent groups, no matter what the government says. As LC's song says, "ring the bells that still can ring".

musings

2007-10-02T15:44:00.001-04:00

I'm still thinking about the CPT training, but am wishing it could happen over a series of weekends (preferably in TO) instead of the 4 weeks of living with the others in the training in Chicago. I kind of feel that I have a lot of life experiences that have prepared me, and am wondering whether I have the stamina for a 4-week bootcamp with almost no time to myself.

I've also been investigating various yoga teacher training programs, and have started exploring some well-reputed studios in the city. The increase in the intensity and the frequency of my yoga practice has been amazing for my state of mind (and body too, of course, it is yoga, i.e. "union"!).

And state of mind is kind of shaken at the moment, as I'm wondering about the relationship(s) I have with (in) my family. But yesterday's vinyasa instructor quoted Leonard Cohen, "there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in". I remember a colleague who died last year quoting this to me as well. My heart feels cracked at the moment, but I'm trying to see some light through it. "gros soupir" as Obelix says, and maybe even "énorme soupir".

CPT Training?

2007-09-14T09:14:00.001-04:00

So, I'm thinking about participating in CPT training, a 4-week "boot-camp" program for people who are interested in more involvement with CPT, in my case becoming a reservist. It would mean committing to two to six weeks of working with CPT per year, and the ways in which you can contribute vary from working with a team, to working in the office, etc. I'm talking to various people about whether this work is a good fit for me, considering whether I can make this long-term commitment or whether I'm just enthused because of my amazing experience in the summer. What isn't an issue, is whether CPT work is effective. What I saw in Colombia convinced me absolutely of the value of accompaniment work in that context. I guess I'll need to learn more about other projects, about what kind of need there is in CPT, and what I could contribute.

In the meantime my Spanish conversation classes are beginning next week, and my binge on Colombian lit has moved from Laura Restrepo to the poetry of Philip Potdevin (why do so many Colombians have such un-hispanic names?).

If anyone has comments to make, or considerations to offer me, I'd love to hear from you, either as a comment here or in an e-mail. Thanks for your interest!

death threats to CPT's colleagues

2007-08-22T14:12:00.000-04:00

On July 25, two days after the demonstration in which we participated, Coca Cola union workers in Barrancabermeja received a death threat from the Black Eagles, a new group formed by "demobilized" AUC paramilitaries.

On August 1, other human rights workers in the city also received death threats. Please read more about these threats in this report by CPT Colombia, and pray for these courageous people and for the hearts of their persecutors to be changed.

thanks

2007-08-19T17:24:00.000-04:00

Thanks to those who came to the CPT Colombia presentation I did together with Doug and Jane Pritchard after church today. I hope you enjoyed the dried Colombian fruit, the lemon-panela drink, the aboriginal mola (fabric art), the photos, etc. Mostly we would like to inspire you just a little bit with all the things that inspired us.

I'll post the 45 MB powerpoint once I figure out how and where to do that. In the meantime, please visit the links I posted here yesterday.

slideshow from CPT site; links to Facebook photos

2007-08-18T20:45:00.000-04:00

I'm getting ready for a report I'm doing with Doug and Jane Pritchard after church tomorrow. It's proving to be very challenging to process and figure out what to share in a short period of time.

For a quick overview of our delegation, please visit this slideshow posted by CPT. While you wait for my report, you can also visit the photo albums I put up on Facebook.

The Coca Cola union demonstration we attended on July 23, 2007

Visit to La Guasima, in the corregimiento of Micoahumado, where we saw a sugar cane farm and processing plant sponsored by the EU's Program for Peace and Development.

Visit to a farm near La Conformedad, also in the corregimiento of Micoahumado, where we saw first-hand the effects of Plan Colombia's fumigation. Why not treat the consumers of the drug instead?

Photos of our visit to the town of Micoahumado, including a cemetery turned war-zone.

Photos of our public action on July 29, 2007: street theatre, singing, speeches and sidewalk art by spectators.

2007-08-04T12:36:00.001-04:00

When I landed in Toronto on Tuesday, Richard had organized me to get to Abbotsford. It was a long day, but I'm glad I flew directly here. It's good to spend this time with Mom, just being with her as she processes this huge transition. She'll move into assisted living at Tabor Court on Aug.8. Dad is getting ready to apply for a transfer from the Menno Home to the Tabor Home so they'll have easy access to each other. I'll be here at least until Aug.11, and longer if they need me.

It's great to enjoy the slower pace here: the sleeping in and sitting around gives me time to think about everything I learned in Colombia, and gives me time to pray for the people I met, for the CPT workers in Barranca, and for my delegation colleagues.

2007-07-30T06:56:00.001-04:00

The CPT delegation and Barrancabermeja team did a public action yesterday, denouncing Plan Colombia, fumigation, multinational exploitation and the free trade agreement, which are causing the poorest people to suffer more and more. We did a little street theatre, sang a song in which spectators joined, and then spectators used sidewalk chalk to cover the park's central plaza with their wishes for their future.

The Colombian people are not just wishing for a better future; they are creative and are working together in communities to find solutions in the midst of difficulties we can't really imagine. In Micoahumado, for example, they continue to claim the basic human right to live without violence or the threat of violence, whether in the form of military presence or guerrilla presence. This right is repeatedly and continuously violated by both sides, and the presence of CPT reinforces the community's rights and wishes because of the international attention it brings to these violations.

I will write more about those days soon, but today we're in transit, returning to Bogotá to visit the Canadian and US embassies. On Tuesday I'll be flying back to Canada, but not to Toronto. I'll be going back to Abbotsford to help Mom move. She's going to try out an assisted living apartment, and since I have the time, I'd like to spend it with her.

some photos

2007-07-26T08:07:00.000-04:00

Andrés Soldad, president of the Ciudadela Educativa directive
With Luz Estella from CCCM/Geneva Call
The Coca Cola protest banner.
With Joanna and Xavier of Mesa Agraria.
Evening chat with some neighbourhood kids at the CPT house in Barranca.

2007-07-25T15:06:00.000-04:00

So, let me tell you about my birthday yesterday - I woke up early and did a little seated yoga practice on my bed, to loosen up the spine a little. When I got out of the shower, our host Consuelo had my morning coffee waiting for me. She's a wonderfully warm woman with a husband and two grown children, and two nieces live with them. We're sleeping in the girls' beds, and they're sleeping with Consuelo. But during the day we're not there at all, so that's ok.

After breakfast at the CPT house, we visited the Ciudadela Educativa here in Barrancabermeja, a complex that integrates education, social networking and productive programs, including many agricultural initiatives (stevia, forestry, cattle, fish, etc. You can see some of their land in this photo). It was hugely inspiring. They organized themselves 23 years ago, mostly displaced people in one of the poorest parts of the city, and now they have one of the top high schools in the city, whose curriculum however is planned by teachers in consultation with parents. The school is doing all kinds of things that we're also doing at my school, and that we think are pretty innovative. It's great to see them happening here too. The president of the association and the other people from the directive kept repeating that they aren't educated people, but they have studied a lot, and they have managed to hold to a few very important principles, including that all decisions are taken as a community and that they will never pay money to any armed group (who always impose taxes) but rather negotiate with them. They don't have a web site yet because they're just getting to the technology now, but I bet they will soon.

In the afternoon we met with a woman from an international organisation that accompanies the demobilisation of paramilitaries. Her photos were quite disturbing for us, and we found it a difficult presentation all in all. The benefits the paras enjoy if they volunteer to disarm are quite substantial. However, we've heard from many people here that some demobilized do just go back to work for another armed group, continuing their activities.

I was on the supper cooking crew. We made cashew chicken with lots of lime juice, garlic and ginger because there was no fish sauce, oyster sauce, or ground coriander. We also made the zucchini brownie recipe from Simply in Season, but with banana. They were delicious. And while the oven was hot, I made Butterzopf, one for the evening, and one for communion this morning. The meal was tasty and plentiful, and I felt happy to have the chocolate desert! Before going to bed I helped John, our leader, plan for today's worship.

Yes, there was communion this morning. But when I told our marvelous delegation leader on Sunday that I haven't taken communion in over 7 years, he invited me to participate in the planning with him. So for words of institution I used the feeding of the 5000 from John, as well as John 21 where Jesus cooks breakfast for the disciples on the beach. Besides the team and the delegation, we were joined in the service by a persecuted friend of CPT who regularly has to leave town in order to "let things calm down". After the service, he told us about his life and his work with Gente en Acción. By the time he left, we felt like he was our brother, and I'm sure we'll stay in contact with him.

Right now we're planning for our visit to Micoahumado, a small mining community in the Morales municipality in the south of Bolívar department. It's a four hour ride by chalupa (boat) on the river, then a bumpy truck ride to the mountains, and it can take from 90 minutes to 4 hours, depending on the state of the road. It's been raining a bit here, so I imagine the roads won't be great. We'll be sleeping in a newish community centre, on a cement floor, but we'll have a shower. We're also taking a day trip to a nearby community where they have a cane sugar processing plant. We'll be seeing a lot of interesting geography, and hearing a lot of stories. Before we come back on Saturday, we're spending half the day attending an Assembléia, a community meeting. Will tell you more about that on Sunday, after we get back on Sunday night.

OK, time to go pack. Thanks for your prayers and interest.

Barrancabermeja

2007-07-23T21:51:00.000-04:00

This morning our 7-person delegation and a worker from CPT attended a public action (aka demonstration) of the local Coca Cola workers’ union. It was the launch of a new campaign to get Coca Cola to admit that they've used paramilitaries against union workers, among other things. They posted lists of union leaders and workers killed, disappeared, and threatened. The union has been in secret talks with Coca Cola for a year, during which they agreed not to do any public action, but now that year is over and the talks have gone nowhere, so they're back to this. It was also an observation of the international day of protest against multinationals, which was actually on Sunday. Besides CPT, the Coca Cola workers were accompanied this morning by the oil workers union and by three nuns. After the workers went in for their shift at 6:45 a.m., we got fed breakfast at a fast food joint, Colombian style, in front of the plant. It was a piece of chicken wrapped in aromatic rice, a piece of white bread and a cup of hot cocoa. Delicious and nutritious.

After worship we went on a bus tour with a friend of CPT, who showed us the port area and the area around Ecopetról, the national oil company. He explained the issues those people live with. It was pretty sad to hear about how hard it is, and what hard work it is, for people to make their living in the port area. And it seems unions' power here has been eroded as well, by gradually building the division/resentment between unionized workers and non, even though the unions fight for the rights of non-union workers as well.

After we dropped our tour guide off, our bus driver took us to a barrio of displaced people, called Paola Ahora. We got out at the side of a road and he told us the story of how his son was killed there by paramilitaries who were trying to get at him. Pretty horrible. I felt like I had no right to shed a tear, but it's obviously important to hear people's stories. And they're not just random people, they work with CPT here.

Then we had lunch at a house of OFP, which was a hugely inspiring event. Wow are those women ever cool. The anglos around here have a particular hispanicism, they use “disappear” like "desaparecer", as a transitive verb, so they say someone has been disappeared. I find this a tragic linguistic invention in English, that this is done to a person by other people. If only we could disappear this use of the verb and its reality! Well, Jacqueline told us the story of an OFP house that was disappeared: they got there one morning and nothing was left but the cement floor. The paras (they're currently controlling Barranca) had dismantled it during the night and carted it away. Usually the verb is used for people, so this is quite a story. OFP is very well established (began 35 years ago in Barranca), so they have lots of support and managed eventually to rebuild the house on the same spot, but bigger and better. Isn't that cool? Their slogans are so great, the main one is "we don't birth or raise our children for war", because they want to take away the human capital of the war machine.

And then we went to a meeting with the peasants’ association of the Valle de Cimatera, which was also an inspiration. People just want to work the land and live in peace, and they're being chased off the land by rich landowners and multinationals, and there's chemical warfare going on against them. Hard to know how to respond to all that. One of my delegation colleagues apologized for his country’s drug habit and for the taxes which pay for Plan Colombia and the fumigation. When he said, “Lo siento”, he spoke for all of us. The people we met with explained that this “feeling” (i.e. “feeling sorry”) is an important element of solidarity in the struggle for justice and peace.

Tomorrow among other things we get oriented to Micoahumado, and eat lunch at another OFP house. I love them! Tonight we have two Catholic workers from Paz Cristi coming for dinner.

Thanks for reading, thinking of and/or praying for the people we’re meeting.

Bogotá

2007-07-20T16:13:00.000-04:00

After a long day in airports, our group finally arrived safely on Wednesday evening. My Canadian colleague and I are sleeping at the home of a woman from a Mennonite church, and our time here has been planned by a bilingual CPT worker from Barrancabermeja. Our group has three Mennonites, two Catholics, a United Church of Christ member, and an Associated Gospel member and we are quickly bonding.

Our day begins with a half hour of worship which we take turns leading, and which includes prayer, Bible reading, singing and sharing. The pastor of a Mennonite church in the poor south of the city drives us around town in the van from another church, and he is extremely generous in engaging in conversation with us, in Spanish. We’ve been very well fed with delicious Colombian food, sometimes in restaurants and sometimes cooked for us in a Mennonite church.

Our agenda for our time in Bogotá is filled with meetings with human rights workers, learning about the Colombian context. We've heard a number of affirmations that an international accompanying presence does make for decreased violence and saves people's lives. I’m glad for the reading I had done in advance, but it’s still quite overwhelming to hear both the history of the conflicts and stories from the current situation. These stories have been both personal experiences of violence and persecution, and stories of people with whom human rights activists work. Hearing the stories is difficult, but we are inspired and humbled by the hope and courage shown in the midst of unfathomable troubles.

On Sunday after church we will go to Barrancabermeja where CPT workers are based. I will post more about what’s on our agenda while we’re there.

news articles

2007-07-16T19:36:00.000-04:00

Here are some articles about a law suit against an American company by the families of some union leaders killed by paramalitaries.

July 13, 2007: New York Times
July 13, 2007: Washington Post
July 12, 2007: Washington Post
July 10, 2007: Inter-Press Service
July 9, 2007: Reuters

And an article from last year about displaced people, from World Indigenous News

one week to go!

2007-07-10T13:51:00.001-04:00

One week from now my bag will be packed. Thanks to the many people who have offered words of encouragement. Here is some additional information on CPT's work in Colombia. I'm all vaccinated now, and not suffering any ill effects. I've made my way through the pile of orientation materials and while it feels like I need a few more years to prepare thoroughly, I'm probably ready. I will do my best to post updates during the trip.

[For those who are curious, the half-marathon on June 24 was one of the wettest runs I've ever done, certainly the wettest race. But I'm glad I did it. After the up-and-down leading up to the Burrard Bridge, the bridge itself seemed like nothing much. Let's say it was the extra weight from wet clothes that slowed me down to 1:56. It was great to get picked up by Frieda, Mitchell & Kayla for a post-race meal at Granville Market. I'll try for another half on Sept.30 in Toronto. This one is flat, so should be faster!
The two weeks with family in Abbotsford also went well. It was good to see Mom and Dad in such good spirits. The Ratzlaff visit highlights included one of the best games of Kuh Handel ever (everyone ended with two sets!) and of course some marvelous moments on the dykes (still not sure if it was frogs or ducks singing in the slough). Ending with a visit to the island for Luke and Heather's wedding was a special plus.]

¡Hola!

2007-06-19T08:53:00.000-04:00

Dear family and friends,

Many of you know that 2007-2008 is my year off from teaching, the 5th year of a 4 over 5 self-funded sabbatical program. I will begin my time off by running a half-marathon in Vancouver on June 24, followed by a two-week visit with family outside of Vancouver. However, I feel strongly that I do not want to spend the whole year sitting in my comfortable home while so many people around the world suffer exactly what my parents suffered in the Soviet Union and earlier ancestors in Europe. I have been studying Spanish for a number of years and have long wanted to visit Central America, perhaps on an MCC learning tour. Several weeks ago, through reading reports from Christian Peacemaker Teams Canada, I learned of a good opportunity to get involved in a small way this summer.

From July 18 to 31, I’ll be participating in a 7-person CPT delegation to Colombia. We will spend the first few days in Bogotá, meeting with church leaders, representatives of human rights groups, and others to gain some overall perspective on the situation in Colombia. Together with the long-term CPT Colombia members based in Barrancabermeja, we will then visit internally displaced people who have had to flee from violence. We will also visit a small mining community near Micoahumado which is confronting several large mining companies, one of them Canadian, that are trying to force them off their land. We will return to Bogotá for the last few days before returning home. [Please have a look at this slideshow about internally displaced people: http://www.lawg.org/IDPs/]

I have no illusions that my visit alone will change the world. But it is my hope that the people whom our delegation will visit will feel less forgotten by the rest of the world, a feeling that my parents and others have known only too well. The purpose of this letter therefore, is to help spread the non-forgetting to as many people as I can, both before the visit, and with updates and reports during and after the visit. In this way, I hope to live the vision expressed by a leader in the Colombian Mennonite Church: “We must reach with one hand for the hand of God, and with the other hand for the hand of our neighbour. Then together we’ll walk, and we’ll make it to the other side of this struggle.”

If you would like to join hands to support this valuable work, please pray for the delegation with whom I’ll be volunteering, and send any financial contributions to

CPT Canada
25 Cecil Street, Unit 307
Toronto, ON
M5T 1N1

If you would like your contribution to support my personal participation, please write “inspired by the work of Erika Friesen” on the memo line of your cheque.

Please read more information about CPT below, or on their website, cpt.org

CPT MISSION STATEMENT
Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT) offers an organized, nonviolent alternative to war and other forms of lethal inter-group conflict. CPT provides organizational support to persons committed to faith-based nonviolent alternatives in situations where lethal conflict is an immediate reality or is supported by public policy. CPT seeks to enlist the response of the whole church in conscientious objection to war, and the development of nonviolent institutions, skills and training for intervention in conflict situations. CPT projects connect intimately with the spiritual lives of its constituent congregations. Gifts of prayer, money and time from these churches undergird CPT peacemaking ministries.

PURPOSE OF CPT DELEGATIONS
Christian Peacemaker Teams sends short-term (10-14 day) peacemaker delegations into a variety of crisis settings around the world. These delegations are part of CPT's ongoing experiment in faith-based, active peacemaking. Delegation members provide encouragement for individuals and communities experiencing violence, challenge violations of human rights and promote active nonviolence as a means of settling disputes. Our partners in the field have repeatedly expressed how important it is for "outsiders" committed to nonviolence to be there. At the closing of CPT's work in Haiti, community members said, "CPT didn't DO anything. They didn't give us food or build us shelter or donate clothing. But they saved our lives." Indigenous Mayans in Chiapas, Mexico said, "Please keep coming. Your presence protects us." In South Dakota, Lakota Indians established a peaceful occupation under hostile vigilance from FBI and local law enforcement to protest Federal government plans to turn treaty land over to the state. The Lakota warriors testified that if CPT had not been there, they are certain things would have turned violent.

Delegation participants seek to:
--gain a sound understanding of the situation through visits and discussions with grassroots leaders, community members, church and human rights workers, legislators and officials;
--support movement towards nonviolent change through listening, dialogue and public actions (as appropriate);
--reduce violence by providing an international presence in affected communities/areas;
--identify ways in which CPT or churches/organizations with whom participants are affiliated may support the work of nonviolence.

THE ROLE OF ADVOCACY AND MEDIATION IN CPT WORK
Christian Peacemaker Teams views mediation ministries as complementary and valuable, but not CPT's primary work.
Clarifying statement: CPT recognizes that in many situations it is not enough simply to call for the end of violence or disagreements, because this merely maintains an intolerable and unjust system. While we see the work of mediation and conciliation as important and complementary ministries, there are some situations in which peace and justice seems to be incompatible. Nonviolent direct action is an approach which seeks to serve both just ends and peaceful means, most often by working alongside those who are most impacted by the unjust situation. CPT will attempt to be attentive to the truth held by every party, but it will not be neutral on questions of injustice, poverty, hunger and oppression.
Christian Peacemaker Teams seeks to pursue a ministry of presence and responsiveness in emergency situations and settings where violent instability often no longer permits evangelism, relief and development work. Our hope is that our presence can create an additional space of security for potential victims as we serve as human rights observers, assume the risks of insider partials, and on occasion serve as public advocates in response to violent incidents.