where I went

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." A nephew drew to my attention this quotation from Douglas Adams's The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, and I think it beautifully summarizes my year off.

Ages ago I had hoped we'd both go live somewhere interesting for a while, when Richard was still planning to freelance. But those hopes faded away when he got a job he actually enjoyed, and couldn't take time even for a few weeks in Paraguay. Then I thought I would be a homebody and pursue domestic interests. Except that I was only interested in them when they were a diversion, not my primary focus. I thought I might do an MCC learning tour to a Spanish-speaking place. Then I got intrigued by CPT and did a delegation with them instead. I had wanted to read, finish Der Mann Ohne Eigenschaften for example, but I've made no progress with it, couldn't sit long enough to focus. Ed asked me to spend a few weeks (minimum) at their place helping with the house, and hanging out. Oh look, that was something I did! After that I was torn - should I do the CPT training and get serious about NGO work, or should I follow other friends and walk the Camino to Santiago? And look, I ended up doing both (although I am no longer associated with CPT). Oh, and I did work on my Spanish quite a lot, though speaking is not easy yet. So where I had intended to go was to be useful, do things I had no time for before, and learn Spanish.

And here's where I think I've ended up:
- more thoughtful about power and more compassionate toward people who get in its way
- still sad at relationships that don't work
- more aware of how difficult nonviolent communication is
- more committed to practicing nonviolent communication
- amazed that you sometimes get what you want, and always get what you need (thanks for reminding me, Nanna)
- more committed to keeping my eyes open in order to see that I get what I want and need
- hopeful that there is more to life than getting stuff done
- more patient and compassionate with myself in learning all of the above

Wish me luck and/or pray for me.