"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." A nephew drew to my attention this quotation from Douglas Adams's The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, and I think it beautifully summarizes my year off.
Ages ago I had hoped we'd both go live somewhere interesting for a while, when Richard was still planning to freelance. But those hopes faded away when he got a job he actually enjoyed, and couldn't take time even for a few weeks in Paraguay. Then I thought I would be a homebody and pursue domestic interests. Except that I was only interested in them when they were a diversion, not my primary focus. I thought I might do an MCC learning tour to a Spanish-speaking place. Then I got intrigued by CPT and did a delegation with them instead. I had wanted to read, finish Der Mann Ohne Eigenschaften for example, but I've made no progress with it, couldn't sit long enough to focus. Ed asked me to spend a few weeks (minimum) at their place helping with the house, and hanging out. Oh look, that was something I did! After that I was torn - should I do the CPT training and get serious about NGO work, or should I follow other friends and walk the Camino to Santiago? And look, I ended up doing both (although I am no longer associated with CPT). Oh, and I did work on my Spanish quite a lot, though speaking is not easy yet. So where I had intended to go was to be useful, do things I had no time for before, and learn Spanish.
And here's where I think I've ended up:
- more thoughtful about power and more compassionate toward people who get in its way
- still sad at relationships that don't work
- more aware of how difficult nonviolent communication is
- more committed to practicing nonviolent communication
- amazed that you sometimes get what you want, and always get what you need (thanks for reminding me, Nanna)
- more committed to keeping my eyes open in order to see that I get what I want and need
- hopeful that there is more to life than getting stuff done
- more patient and compassionate with myself in learning all of the above
Wish me luck and/or pray for me.
Here I was writing about my year off work in 07-08, after full-time teaching for nine years, and grad school the 8 years before that. Figuratively I had been following a routine within a smallish framework for a while, and wanted to use the year off to explore other spheres of action. I certainly didn't want to just sit on the couch!
with Kay, Fernando, Oscar, Edelgard at the cathedral in Santiago de Compostela
2 comments:
Haha - I'm the one who said "hold a grudge". I wouldn't say that it's the BEST thing about us, but it's the most accurate statement, or at least the one that rings most true for me. I've been thinking about my grudges
lately...
But anyways! I wanted to comment on this actual post. I love where you have ended up this year. I've learned a lot just by osmosis. You are wear I am headed, I am where you have been. I love to look to you as an example, because you're such a great example.
Reading your words makes me happy because I feel so rich having you as a relative: we learn from each other. In other words, you inspire me as well, to practice the integrity that's important to me, and to challenge what I need to, but with generosity.
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